Dammit bob!

21st April 2012

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Me.

I don’t know entirely why i’m writing this, or what I entirely mean by this post, but i feel the need to say some thing.

In my life I have had two meaningful relationships. The first lasted 5 years, unforunately not ending well, but which taught me many things. Paitence, compassion, respect, tolerence ect ect. Which I believe has set me up to be half decent boyfriend material. 

The second lasted just over a year and reinforced the things I learnt in the first. The first I don’t wish to talk about much, but the second I am proud of. The second held all of the qualities which I love and respect in a girlfriend. The second believed in privacy, and could tell there was something not right with me and could see it in my hands but never pressed me about it and was surprisingly thankful when I opened up to her finally. Something which truly impressed me. Also she taught me how easy love is and should be, and how natural and comfortable a relationship should be. I also learnt forgiveness towards the first and now only choose to remember the good times, as any end should be. I never thought another girl could make me feel the same as the first made me feel. But she managed that and more.

I am now single, but I regret nothing. Hold no grudges, feel no hatred or disappointment towards either. I respect their decisions, and genuinely hope the paths they choose to tread lead them onto better and better things than they would have encountered with me.

Looking back I admit I miss the simple pleasures of a relationship. I don’t mean in a sexual way, my sex life and those of my previous are private. I mean the pleasures of having someone to talk things through with, someone to share ups and downs with, someone to tread the path that is my life with me and someone to cuddle away the terrible hangovers which Jeagerbombs cause. 

As a single man I wonder, and wait in anticipation to meet the next girl who is capable of making me feel the way other girls have. I wonder who she will be, where I will meet her and hope my first impression is not too bad. I am not a ‘LAD’, ok i talk the talk after I get the pints in, but i honesty have never had a one night stand, or really wish to do so. Clubbing, unless im drunk enough, irritates me and, though i may be proven wrong, a girl you pull in a club is in my mind not going to be the one who accepts my invitation for dinner the next night. Though i am probibly wrong in that respect.

I never wish to come across as pleading, needy, or desperate. I pride myself on keeping my cards close to my chest and never want to be seen to be whingeing to a social network site, or whatever tumblr is. But i miss being in an easy relationship. Miss the companionship. Miss pretty much all of it. Though moving on is what I have and will do. 

Looking forward there is a girl back in my home town who i have had a sweet spot for since i have known her. Between previous relationships, and obviously never considering her whilst being in a relationship. Though being at university and not residing at home perminantly i am uneasy about going for her. Of course i could never hope for a conventional relationship, which is what im banging on about here, and so could only hope for a casual thing. Defining the relationship could prove to be difficuly, “hey fancy getting some dinner and functioning as a girlfriend over the summer?”, isnt a very good proposition. So that is going to require a good deal of thought and a hell of a lot of tact on my part if I gather the courage one day. Hey who dares wins right?

Girls at uni would probibly seem the way to go, apart from the slight hinderence that i dont know any that are feasable. Those i do know are my work mates and the Territorial Army is not in my opinion the place to find a girl. So whats left, picking up girls on my course. Im a military historian so good bloody luck finding any on my course. Meeting girls out in manchester? A better plan perhaps, but im no good at clubbing, and not good at meeting people in the pub. 

So what now. I stroll down my path with my head held high believing im an ok ish catch. How long before i hit that fork in the road where someone elses path meets mine and we share the way for a while? No one knows. Though i look forward for the chance again to excercise what life and love has taught me so far and to hopefully make another girl happy for the seemingly fleeting moment they might stay on my path with me. 

I have no where nearly said all that is in my mind and my heart on this matter. Though it feels good to type it down and maby for others to read it.

Night tumblr. 

19th April 2012

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Three Days in May.

Three Days in May was a play I went to see over the Christmas break (I know, me see a play right). It was the first play which I have actually sat through without being bored and wanting it to end.

Three Days in May featured Warren Clarke, playing Winston Churchill, and was set during the fall of France during the Second World War. What hit me about this play so much was the courage which Churchill displayed during our countries darkest hour.

Whereas the events in the play are not well known, I believe they ought to be.  

The title, Three Days in May, refers literally to three days in May 1940. The three days were the only recorded instance, taken from cabinet meeting transcripts and the diaries of those involved, where Churchill displayed indecision. At a time of war it is the job of the Prime Minister to command the coalition government and keep the different factions withing British politics together. 

Though it may shock some people, there were factions within the cabinet who wished to sign a peace deal with Hitler, and even go so far to grant concessions to Mussolini in the hope he would act as mediator between the British and German Governments.

At the end of the play, Churchill was quoted saying,”nations who fall violently rise again, those who surrender tamely are finished”. After a period of indecision Churchill chose to fight on alone against Germany, despite good council from his peers in government and good sense, seeing as Britain was faced by an enemy who had swept its forces aside.

This demonstrates the courage and resolve of the man, who was willing to ignore common sense, ignore good advice, and to fight on alone because that was genuinely how he believed he would save his country and empire. Ultimately his gamble paid off, Russia and America were forced into the war and Britain became the springboard to which the Allied powers could fight the war in the West. But it could have easily been so different, and had Churchill not taken what i believe to be the most important decision in the last two decades, definitely the hard call, freedom and democracy could have been eradicated.

I hope I can demonstrate the same qualities which Churchill demonstrated, courage in the face of adversity, composure under stress and unfailing resolve over the next few weeks and months, and for the rest of my days. 

25th November 2011

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If your tired or tea then your tired of life.

31st October 2011

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The Christmas Truce, 1914.

The Christmas truce of 1914 is perhaps one of the most human events recorded during the First World War, a conflict which displayed the modern phenomenon of total war and industrial scale killing. The truce happened in some sectors on the Western Front, but was restricted by military discipline where fraternising with the enemy could lead to courts martial. The most famous example being when British and German soldiers came together in no mans land to play football.

The truce began between the two sides when German soldiers decorated their trenches with Christmas trees and candles. Both sides sang Christmas carols and shouted Christmas greetings across no man land. A brave few soldiers from each side ventured across the lines to personally exchange greetings and to trade food, cigarettes, alcohol and souvenirs such as the buttons from their uniforms. Before long unofficial cease fires had been arranged between the two sides, to bury the dead and recover wounded soldiers, and joint services held to remember fallen comrades from both sides. The human side of the conflict, and the mutual respect, and maybe even camaraderie between the two opposing sides is represented in this event, where people from different nations laid down there arms to enjoy a momentary peace amongst the mechanical killing of the war.

However the truce was widely censored and condemned by the media and high command of the warring nations, and was only exposed a week after it took place by the New York Times. Action was taken by both sides to ensure that the truce never again happened. Disciplinary action was also taken in some cases. Sir Iain Colquhoun, a company commander in the Scots Guards who organised an unofficial cease fire to collect wounded and dead soldiers, was court marshalled for ‘defying the standing orders of the contrary’. However his punishment was annulled by General Haig, but perhaps because he was related to Herbert Asquith, the Prime Minister.

It is generally believed that truces only accoutred in the Christmas of 1914, but there are recorded accounts of truces happening in the latter years of the war which are told in a letter written in 1916 by a 23 year old Private named Ronald MacKinnon.

He wrote, “I had quite a good Xmas considering I was in the front line. Xmas eve was pretty stiff, sentry-go up to the hips in mud of course. … We had a truce on Xmas Day and our German friends were quite friendly. They came over to see us and we traded bully beef for cigars”. In his letter he described an exchange between Canadian and German soldiers.  He was sadly killed shortly after during the Battle of Vimy Ridge.

The truces are an example of the humanity which remained between the two sides during the First World War, despite the horrors of trench warfare. It should be remembered on remembrance Sunday because of the terrible tragedy that is armed conflict, and the determination of people to find peace amongst violence.

Luke Smith.